Try empathising with your boss
Office workers are reflected in a glass railing as they cross a street during lunch hour in Tokyo. What do you do if you have a problem manager but still enjoy your role and like the company you work for? Photo: Reuters
Everyone likes to moan about their manager, but unhappiness at work often goes beyond venting to colleagues over sandwiches or a pint.
A 2015 United States study by Gallup found almost 50 per cent of people had left a job to get away from poor managers.
However, what do you do if you have a problem manager but still enjoy your role and like the company you work for?
Instead of leaving — and all the stress that goes with it — might it be possible to mend a bad workplace relationship? The first thing to consider is what you mean by a “bad” manager.
Richard Boston, a psychologist and executive coach, says: “I am keen not to demonise.” “There are ‘bad managers’, for sure, but much of the badness we see in boss relationships lies in those relationships, not in the individual themselves.”
He urges subordinates to consider their part in the relationship and learn to empathise with their boss, a theory distilled in a new book, Boss Factor: 10 Lessons in Managing Up for Mutual Gain.
“The reason I did not call the book How to Hoodwink Your Boss is because I really want people to think: ‘Actually, I need to take responsibility in this’,” Mr Boston says.
“So if I accept that maybe my boss is 90 per cent to blame for my current situation, and I am 10 per cent to blame, that 10 per cent is the bit I can change.”
If a team member feels the boss is interfering all the time, something is likely to be perpetuating that behaviour.
“If you are the only person they are doing this with,” says Mr Boston, “there is a chance that you are part of the problem. But it might be you are one of many they are doing this to, which means your contribution to the problem is likely to be closer to that 10 per cent — which could be the way you react when the boss ‘interferes’.”
Perhaps the employee is slightly passive aggressive, he adds, or withholds information. Instead, a subordinate should think about the times their boss does not interfere and identify the factors that “could enable them to let go more of the time”, Mr Boston says. Mary-Clare Race, an organisational psychologist at MindGym, which helps develop leadership skills and business relationships, also stresses the need to take responsibility in work relationships.
“Often, when negative behaviours, such as being overly-critical, are coming to the fore, it is where the boss is maybe not getting what they need from you,” she says.
“So perhaps there is the opportunity to look at your own performance with a more honest lens. But also think about what other things you could be doing to make their life easier.”
While it may seem like pandering to bad behaviour, she adds, there are probably easy fixes.
For example, try to find ways to work around your boss’s dysfunctional tendencies.
“If they are somewhat volatile, change their mind frequently, or claim to forget conversations, try to document interactions so you have something to refer back to,” says Ms Race.
Take time to understand your manger’s preferred way of working and try to match this, she adds.
For example, if he or she is impatient, try to be succinct when you speak and in written communication. Another tip is to learn to anticipate bad behaviour and pre-empt it where possible.
If a manager has a tendency to micromanage, “find ways to be proactive about getting things done ahead of time”, says Ms Race.
“And have someone check your work before they see it so you are giving them less room for criticism.”
According to Mr Boston, most bosses, no matter how difficult, probably believe they are doing the right thing given the hand they have been dealt, so empathy is essential. “Empathy is a tool,” he says. “[It] helps you get what you want in a healthy way . . . understanding someone else’s world view from their perspective.”
Randall Peterson, professor of organisational behaviour at London Business School, also advises employees to put themselves in their manager’s shoes.
“You would be surprised how insightful that can be,” he says.
Forecasting potential conflict and coming up with strategies to steer round problems is also important, he says.
When thinking about ways to resolve conflict, “suggest solutions that you believe will not just work for you but for your boss”, he says.
For example, if you are presenting to a boss and it is unlikely that he or she will be happy with what you say, Prof Peterson suggests starting with: “I anticipate you are not going to be entirely happy with this. Here are my thoughts on how to resolve this problem. We need to deal with this, and I know it is not exactly what you were hoping for.”
When is it time to write off the relationship and decide it is time to quit?
Prof Peterson points to one important sign: “If you hold your boss in contempt because you think they are incompetent, then it is probably time to move on,” he says.
But, says Mr Boston, beware of taking the problems from one office into another job. “At least take steps to help resolve [things] before you move on.”
At interview, a candidate could ask to talk to members of the team before they decide to join.
“People might be a bit resistant,” he says, “but it shows proactivity.”
Ask questions of a potential boss, he adds. What is it they really need in someone that they are leading, in order to bring the best out of them?
What do they find challenging when leading other people if they do, or do not do, certain things?
When being managed by someone new, says Ms Race, there is an opportunity to “set a new psychological contract”.
Be clear about what you need from your manager, how the manager can get the best from you, and when you are likely to need your manager’s support.
And everyone, however happy at work, can benefit from a new year reset with their boss: “January is when you can say: ‘Can we look at how things are going on both sides?’” Ms Race says. THE FINANCIAL TIMES
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Janina Conboye is content editor and a writer on work and careers at The Financial Times.
